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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23808433">Drink It All Away</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toaverse/pseuds/Toaverse'>Toaverse</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Onward (2020)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alcohol, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alcoholic Laurel Lightfoot, Angst, Character Death, Child Abuse, Drinking, Drinking to Cope, Gen, possible depression</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 11:27:23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,209</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23808433</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toaverse/pseuds/Toaverse</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When she first heard the words from her husband that he is terminally ill, and that he only has 6 months to live, Laurel knew that she’ll lose him to that horrible disease he’s suffering, and she knew that that day will come before her second son is even born.</p><p>But what she didn’t know, was that that day would worsen her.</p><p>(An AU in where Laurel turned to alcohol for her grieve.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>31</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Drink It All Away</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Shitty title, I know😐</p><p>I had quite a headache today, but wanted to write something, so I wrote this out of my asshole. :/</p><p>Not my greatest work, So if things seem all over the place, I’m sorry☹️</p><p>I still hope it’s good tho...</p><p>Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When she first heard the words from her husband that he is terminally ill, and that he only has 6 months to live, Laurel knew that she’ll lose him to that horrible disease he’s suffering, and she knew that that day will come before her second son is even born.</p><p>But what she didn’t know, was that that day would change her for the worst.</p><p>Sitting at Wilden’s bedside definitely isn’t easy for her to do, let alone seeing him so unlike himself. He’s all covered in tubes and other machines that keep Wilden alive. It was...painful to see for her...</p><p>It also didn’t help that Barley is too scared to go near his dad right now...</p><p>At some point, Laurel heard the heart monitor that keeps up Wilden’s heartbeat beeping faster and faster, and the arches going lower and lower. She didn’t wat to see nor hear it, as the beeps slowly become a ringing sound, with a straight line on the monitor screen.</p><p>Wilden Lightfoot has passed away...</p><p>The realization hit her as she finally looks at the straight line on the heart monitor. Grieve overtook her as she cried.</p><p>God, did she really wanna wake up from this horrible dream.</p><p>•+•</p><p>The car ride to home wasn’t any better.</p><p>Barley’s hyperactive as always, rambling about anything that’s on his mind.</p><p>Laurel however, was quickly irritated by that, having only two things on her mind; sleep, and maybe a glass of wine.</p><p>She knows that she shouldn’t even think about drinking anything with alcohol, since she’s 8 months pregnant, but she couldn’t help but think about it.</p><p>Arriving at home, Laurel instantly let herself fall on the couch. God, she really needs some rest.</p><p>Until...</p><p>“Mommy? When will dad come home?” She hears Barley ask.</p><p>‘Good god, can’t he be quiet for once?!’ Laurel thought annoyed.</p><p>“Barley, can you go to your room? Mommy is a bit tired right now.”</p><p>“Okey, mommy!” Barley answers before running off to his room like he was told.</p><p>Laurel let out a “phew” out of tiredness and relief as she only hears silence in the room.</p><p>But drinking was still flying in her mind.</p><p>‘Come on! One glass of wine can’t do any harm to the baby!’ Her mind screamed at her, tempting her to drink. ‘Don’t you want to feel happy again? Besides, you haven’t been drinking for months, you deserve it!’</p><p>“Ugh, fine!” Laurel finally gave in to the temptation.</p><p>Then it felt like her body moves on its own, as she grabs a bottle of wine, and a glass that she could pour the liquid into.</p><p>As she was about to take a sip, a voice in the back of her mind interrupts; “Don’t do this. You will only hurt the baby.” But Laurel doesn’t listen, and drinks.</p><p>After swallowing the sip she took, Laurel feels a bit of her sadness go away, like how she felt when things where just normal. It feels...good.</p><p>Wanting that feeling to last longer, the female elf took another sip of alcohol.</p><p>And then another...</p><p>And another...</p><p>The health of her unborn child was out of her mind as Laurel drank the glass empty.</p><p>‘Wow, that feels surprisingly good.’ Laurel thought after her glass is empty. ‘I guess that should be enough for now.’</p><p>•+•</p><p>Over the days and weeks, it didn’t become “enough”.</p><p>One glass of wine a day escalates into two, two turns into three, three turns into four, until it actually became an addiction real fast.</p><p>And there was no remorse for her unborn baby anymore.</p><p>He just has to suffer the consequences.</p><p>Unfortunately, Barley caught up with the sudden change in his mother’s behavior. He notices how his mom is always so tired, or is drinking, or looks so grumpy. He just doesn’t understand it. She always was someone who he could play with, but now she...doesn’t even notice him sometimes...</p><p>It makes Barley sad...</p><p>But his little brother is coming soon! Then things will get better!</p><p>But Laurel’s caring and loving side didn’t re-grow when that day came.</p><p>Unlike Barley, who is smiling widely as he holds his little brother, Laurel couldn’t feel anything. No overwhelming feelings, no feelings of love or affection, not even a smile. She just didn’t feel anything.</p><p>And she doesn’t even care that Ian has features that where obviously caused by her drinking.</p><p>Even worse, she rather wants to grab a glass of alcohol then to look at her new born baby...</p><p>So unfortunately for Barley, things aren’t going to change any time soon.</p><p>•+•</p><p>Over the next weeks, things didn’t really change that much.</p><p>In fact, they’re only getting worse...</p><p>Through the stress of having a newborn baby that demands most of your attention, Laurel’s drinking became more frequent, even continuing through the night.</p><p>She really couldn’t be bothered to deal with that annoyance in the house...</p><p>It became so bad, that Laurel even forgot about her sons most of the time.</p><p>So, since Laurel did nothing to at least take care of her youngest, Barley decided to try and be there for his baby brother, even if he doesn’t even know how certain things work.</p><p>It kinda became normal for Barley that his mother wasn’t around that much anymore.</p><p>Things went that way until Ian turned 7 months, until...</p><p>The morning arrived again, as always, and Laurel is having a horrible hangover. I mean, what do you expect when you drink until 4 in the morning.</p><p>She’s sitting at the kitchen table, drinking some coffee, when Barley walks into the room.</p><p>“Mommy-?” He says, but couldn’t finish it.</p><p>Not being able to think straight, and out of instinct, Laurel grabs the chair next to her, and threw it at him as hard as she can...</p><p>The chair hit Barley with force, causing him to fall on the ground. As he lay there motionless and in shock, he feels pain of the impact all over his body. With difficulty, he looks over at his mother, expecting her to say sorry, help him up and hug him, but she didn’t. Instead, she walks into the living room like nothing has happened.</p><p>She really doesn’t care anymore...</p><p>Seeing his mom not helping him when he is in pain made Barley sad. Tears stream down the 4 year old’s face as he lay there on the ground.</p><p>Suddenly, Barley feels a tiny hand touch his arm. He looks over to see who it is, and is met with his baby brother’s eyes, as if he is trying to comfort his older brother.</p><p>The older boy carefully sits up, still feeling pain everywhere.</p><p>“Hey, Ian...” Barley says to the 7 month old, carefully pulling him into a protective hug. “You aren’t hurt, right?” He knows that Ian couldn’t talk yet, but he asks anyways, maybe to reassure himself.</p><p>Sadly, this new normal isn’t going to stop anytime soon. As Barley still has memories of what it once was before their dad passed away, Ian doesn’t know any better then a alcoholic and depressed mother who hang around.</p><p>But the brothers had each other, and that’s the most important to them.</p><p>Even in this new normal that their mother had created.</p><p>But their mother doesn’t care...</p>
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